10 Tips for PARENTS to Help Their Children Avoid Teen Pregnancy
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy in Washington, D.C has reviewed recent research about parental influences on children's sexual behavior and talked to many experts in the field, as well as to teens and parents themselves. From these resources, it is clear and that there is much parents and adults can do to reduce the risk of kids becoming pregnant before they've grown up. Presented here as "ten tips," many of these will seem familiar because they articulate what parents already know from experience- like the importance of maintaining strong, close relationships with children and teens, setting clear expectations from them, and about communicating honestly and often with them about important matters. Resear4ch supports these common sense lessons: not only are they good ideas generally, but they can also help teens delay becoming sexually active. Finally, although these are for parents, they can be used by adults more generally in their relationships with teenagers. Parents-especially those who are single or working long hours-often turn to other adults for help in raising their children and teens. If all these caring adults are on the same "wavelength" about the issues covered here, young people are given more consistent messages. So, what to Do? Communicating with your children about sex, love and relationships is often more successful when you are certain in your own mind about these issues. Kids have lots of questions about sex, and they often say that the source they'd most like to go for answers is their parents. Start the conversation, and make sure it is honest, open, and respectful. If you can't think of how to start the discussion, consider using situations shown on TV or in movies as conversation starters. Tell them candidly and confidently what you think and why you take these positions; if you're not sure about some issues, tell them that, too. Be sure to have a two-way conversation, not a one-way lecture. Ask them what they think and what they know so you can correct misconceptions. Ask what, if anything, worries them. Age appropriate conversations about relationships and intimacy should begin early in a child's life and continue through adolescence. Resist the idea that there should be just one conversation about all this- you know, "the talk." The truth is that parents and kids should be talking about sex and love all along. This applies to both sons and daughters and to both mothers and fathers, incidentally. All kids need a lot of communication, guidance and information about these issues, even if they sometimes don't appear to be interested in what you have to say. And if you have regular conversations, you won't worry so much about making mistakes are saying something not quite right, because you'll always be able to talk to them. By the way, research clearly shows that talking with your children about sex does not encourage them to become sexually active. And remember, too, that your own behavior should match your words. The "do as I say, not as I do" approach is bound to lose with children and teenagers, who are careful and constant observers of the adults in their lives. Establish rules, curfews, and standards of expected behavior, preferably through an open process of family discussion and respectful communication. If your children get out of school at 3pm and you don't get home from work until 6pm, who is responsible for making certain that your children are not only safe during those hours, but also are engaged in useful activities? Where are they when they go out with friends? Are there adults around who are in charge? Supervising and monitoring your kids' whereabouts doesn't make you a nag; it makes you a parent. Friends have strong influence on each other, so help your children and teenagers become friends with kids whose families share your values. Some parents of teens even arrange to meet with the parents of their children's friends to establish common rules and expectations. It is easier to enforce a curfew that all your child's friends share rather than one that makes him or her different-but even if your views don't match those of other parents, hold fast to your convictions. Welcome your children's friends into your home and talk to them properly. Group activities among young people are fine and often fun, but allowing teens to begin steady, one-on-one dating much before age 16 can lead to trouble. Let your child know about your strong feelings about this throughout childhood-don't wait until your young teen proposes a plan that differs from your preferences in this area; otherwise, he or she will think you just don't like the particular person or invitation. Older guys can seem glamorous to a young girl-sometimes they even have money and a car to boot! But the risk of matters getting out of hand increases when the guy is much older than the girl. Try settling a limit of no more than two- (or at most three-) year age difference. The power differences between younger girls and older boys or men can lead girls into risky situations, including unwanted sex. The chances that your children will delay sex, pregnancy, and parenthood are significantly increased if their future appears bright. This means helping them set meaningful goals for the future, talking to them what it takes to make future plans come true, and helping them reach their goals. Explain how becoming pregnant-or causing pregnancy-can derail the best of plans; for example, child care expenses can make it almost impossible to afford college. Community service, in particular, not only teaches job skills, but can also put teens in touch with a wide variety of committed and caring adults. Encourage your children to take school seriously and set high expectations about their school performance. School failure is often the first sign of trouble that can end in teenage parenthood. Be very attentive to your children's progress in school and intervene early if things aren't going well. Keep track of your children's grades and discuss them together. Meet with teachers and principals, guidance counselors, and coaches. Limit the number of hours your teenager gives to part-time jobs (20 hrs. per week should be maximum) so that there is enough time and energy left to focus on school. Know about homework assignments and support your child in getting them done. Volunteer at the school, if possible. Schools want more parental involvement and will often try to accommodate your work schedule, if asked. Know what your kids are watching, reading and listening to. The media (television, radio, movies, music videos, magazines, the Internet) are chock full of material sending the wrong messages. Sex rarely has meaning, unplanned pregnancy seldom happens, and few people having sex ever seem to be married or even especially committed to anyone. Is this consistent with your expectations and values? If not, it is important to talk with your children about what the media portray and what you think about it. If certain programs or movies offend you, say so, and explain why. Be "media literate"-think about what you and your family are watching and reading. Encourage your kids to think critically: ask them what they think about the programs they watch and the music they listen to. You can always turn the TV off, cancel subscriptions, and place certain movies off limits. You will probably not be able to fully control what your children see and hear, but you can certainly make your views known and control your own home environment. Strive for a relationship that is warm in tone, firm in discipline, and rich in communication, and one that emphasizes mutual trust and respect. There is no single way to create such relationships, but the following habits of the heart can help: Express love and affection clearly and often. Hug your children, and tell them how much they mean to you. Praise specific accomplishments, but remember that expressions of affections should be offered freely, not just for a particular achievement. Listen carefully to what your children say and pay thoughtful attention to what they do. Spend time with your children engaged in activities that suit their ages and interest, not just yours. Shared experiences build a "bank account" of affection and trust that forms the basis for future communication with them about specific topics, including sexual behavior. Be supportive and be interested in what interests them. Attend their sports events; learn about their hobbies; be enthusiastic about their achievements, even the little ones; ask them questions that show you care and want them to know what is going on in their lives. Be courteous and respectful to your children and avoid hurtful teasing or ridicule. Don't compare your teenager with other family members (i.e,, why can't you be like your older sister?). Show that you expect courtesy and respect from them in return. Help them to build self-esteem by mastering skills; remember, self esteem is earned, not given, and one of the best ways to earn it is by dong something well. Try to have meals together as a family as often as possible, and use the time for conversation, not confrontation. A final note: it's never too late to improve a relationship with a child or teenager. Don't underestimate the great need that children feel—at all ages—for a close relationship with their parents and for their parents' guidance, approval, and support. Source: National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, Washington, D.C